Saturday, March 10, 2007
I, Lucifer
By Glen Duncan
Excerpts
I, Lucifer, Fallen Angel, Prince of Darkness, Bringer of Light, Ruler of Hell, Lord of the Flies, Father of Lies, Apostate Supreme, Tempter of Mankind, Old Serpent, Prince of This World, Seducer, Accuser, Tormentor, Blasphemer, and without doubt Best Fuck in the Seen and Unseen Universe (ask Eve, that
minx) have decided - oo-lala! - to tell all.
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You're worried about going to Hell. Don't be. I've made some changes down there. All that fire and brimstone, all that agony? History. No point. Plus, my fuel bills... I'm kidding. But seriously, can you give me one good reason why I should waste my time making my guests suffer? This whole... this whole
line about me making souls suffer - it's so
stupid.
My feeling is, hey,
mi casa su casa. As long as you're not with the Old Man upstairs, my job's done. There's no reason we shouldn't be civilised about it. No reason we shouldn't be comfortable.
No one gets it. Which do you think would annoy Him more? Souls in Hell suffering and wishing they'd be Good? Or souls in Hell partying and thinking, "Thank fuck I didn't bother with all that morally sound behaviour crap?" You see the logic, surely.
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"I know this is going to be a stretch for you, but I might as well come right out and say it:
I don't like evil. It hurts. It absolutely
kills if you really want the truth.
Evil gives me pain.
Pain.
"Your thinkers wrestle with this notion of
pure evil or, as they're so fond of calling it,
evil for its own sake. All evil is motivated - even mine. The torturer, the tyrany, the murderer, the consummate fabricator of fibs - they're all doing it
for something, even if all they're doing it for is pleasure.
"What pains the Old Boy most is not that I do evil, but that I do what causes me excruciating pain. What pains him is that even perpetual and excruciating pain is a price worth paying for disentangling myself from
Him.
That's the crux of it.
That's what He can't stand.
"Doesn't matter that I felt lousy. Doesn't matter that I realised I might have been a tad hasty. Doesn't matter that I would have been willing (we all would) to turn over a new leaf. Doesn't matter. You're an angel, you fall, you don't rise again, the end."
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Crazily enriching book.
'Lucifer is charming and sexy and very very funny. Glen Duncan knows way too much and says it far too well. I fear for his soul' Stella Duffy
2:25 AM
